Reading the Bible

I finished reading The Bible yesterday.  I used an app (Bible Study) and a 90-day reading program that served up a selection of the Old Testament, a Psalm, and a bit of the New Testament each day.  (I started Jan 1, and it's 4/27, so I missed the 90-day mark, but I'm done).  Various thoughts to follow.

First, I just want to note that this was an Investment of Time & Energy.  I was reading many mornings/evenings, and mostly put other reading on hold.  I'd had Instapaper under 100 articles, and now it's around 285.  I've got Black Leopard, Red Wolf, How Long Til Black Future Month, The Ten Thousand Doors of January, and a few other books queued up. I expect to enjoy those more than The Bible, but I'm glad to have finished.

The Old Testament is kind of awful.  It's got two creation stories, a handful of patriarchs, Abraham sacrificing his son, Moses and the plagues (God regularly hardens Pharoah's heart, and all I could think was how much additional misery God was putting all the regular Egyptians through each time), and then a story of settler-colonialism.  In fact, that story of conquest gets told, then retold, then retold a third time.  After the conquest of Israel, there's the story of attempted nation-building, and eventual overthrow.  During the kingdom-establishment, bad people get rewarded (waves at King David), good people get punished, and everything's told as being the result of God's power and action in the world.  It's got bad ideology (settler-colonialism, nationalism), bad theology/theodicy, and lots of helpings of sexualizing and shaming women.  Plus endless measurements of the temple.  There's also some interesting rules about how to set up a society of herders and farmers, and get them integrated with urban environments.  This gets us through the Pentateuch, Kings, Chronicles (Kings and Chronicles tell the same story, once from the perspective of Israel and once of Judah).

Then Israel falls, the people are carried away to the Babylonian captivity, and there's a whole series of prophets.  It's interesting to see that sometimes the prophets are yelling from the rooftop about how society needs to be transformed, and other times they have the ear of the king and are basically technocratic advisors, except instead of using spreadsheets, they're channeling the advice of God.  I'm pretty interested in prophetic voices, and the role of prophets in speaking both to the wider world and to communities ostensibly prepared to listen to them, so these were interesting to read, but I still have a lot more thinking I want to do.

Job is basically a slap in the face to all the Theology of the ostensibly historical bits of the old testament.  The Psalms are beautiful, and some of them (Psalm 24) spoke to me.  Others involved spears and heels of tramping warriors and did not.  Proverbs ranges from Deep to Funny.  And so on.  There are nuggets of excellence and meaning amidst a whole that I found very challenging.  (And yes, I'm aware that many smart people have made meaning of the things I found challenging.  But it feels to me like a text I would have to do intellectual gymnastics to find valuable as a whole, which I'm not inclined to try to do at the moment.  Similarly, I'm pretty sure that The Old Testament is very different from all of Jewish tradition.  I may try to tackle Maimonedes again, but mostly I'm thinking about my reaction to the Old Testament, rather than situating it in any of the broader spiritual traditions that have made use of the book.  That's another project, or maybe projects.)

The New Testament was also a big challenge.  There's some of Jesus' story that I appreciate, but also it's more focused on fulfilling prophecies that really were, at least interpreted on their face, about re-establishing a settler-colonialist state, than I had been conscious of.  Plus there's still a fair amount of making women, and men's perception of them, problems.  And even more of that with the various letters.  Which, again, have nuggets of excellence wrapped in a whole that feels like a grab bag, often disappointingly fascinated by intra-party squabbles.  I've lived through left-Twitter, and SFF Book Blogging wars, and various other cases of groups establishing themselves and re-establishing their identities.  These are interesting and consuming debates to those involved in them, but rarely produce texts that deserve to be read outside their context, and my impression of the New Testament was similar.

Revelation is interesting to read as part of the prophetic tradition.  And I think the thing I found most interesting about reading The Bible was all the different traditions embedded within it.  Prophets who speak in visions and allegory.  Views of God as powerful actor who has chosen out a select people, an actor who rewards Good and punishes Evil, an actor whose approval can be discerned by Success and Failure, even if the successes and failures don't seem to be good and evil.  Plus there's a lot of poetry, and a focus on behavior rather than intention or theology.  I was extremely aware while reading The Bible that the Bible that I grew up with has been (re)shaped by centuries of reinterpretation that smoothed a lot of rough edges, discarded many elements, and pulled out chunks.

All of which is understandable. Were I part of a tradition that said "this book has to be a focus", I would probably prioritize selective reading, and make it a coherent tradition that agreed with what I wanted it to.  And I could totally make of it a coherent tradition.  There's one reaction that people have to the internal inconsistency of The Bible where they point out that people who claim to value The Bible aren't following its commands, which is basically a silly game, and like shooting fish in a barrel.  There's another reaction where people decide that they're going to "rediscover" or "reclaim" some "original" or "primitive" Church.  Which again is kind of silly.  It's pretty easy to find whatever you want in The Bible.  It's probably also pretty easy to find the opposite.

So now I've read The Bible.  I'm curious about some of the traditions and elements I hadn't really been all that conscious of.  I'm much more uncomfortable with some elements than I had been.  I'm still going to sing Joshua Fit the Battle of Jericho.  I'm sure there's a lot I missed, and a lot more to say about it than I saw in my readthrough.  But I have a sense of the book as a whole that I didn't 117 days ago.

Vocal Ministry - How does it feel?

I went to a Quaker gathering a while back, and at one of the workshops I was attending, the facilitator mentioned that she made a practice of asking people who seemed to be giving vocal ministry for the first time "how did that feel"?

(Aside - vocal ministry is the "speaking" part of "speaking out of the silence" that happens sometimes when we liberal unprogrammed quakers gather and sit quietly for an hour)

I gave ministry a few weeks back, and realized that (almost 2 years into my Quaker journey, and probably at least a year since the first time I gave ministry), I probably can describe how it feels for me to give vocal ministry.

Usually there's a thought or phrase that crystallizes as "Important" for me.  A while back, after hearing a story about how the navy's increased operational schedule was correlated to a higher count of training incidents, I started thinking about and noticing the logic of a system made for war that couldn't even value the lives of the people who enable it.  Two weeks ago, when sitting down, I was struck very strongly by the impression that what we do (sitting in silence, speaking out of that silence), was (is?) a very specific argument with a kind of performance of faith.  There's always a kernel that gets stuck. I think every time I've given vocal ministry, there's been a kernel that I knew *could* become ministry, though they don't always.

After the kernel, I spend a while thinking and listening.  Two weeks ago, my ministry came in the same meeting as the initial revelation.  I think the ministry about the training incidents came over a month after I first heard the story.  Some of this is me thinking.  Asking the kinds of questions I've learned to ask as a student and a privileged white person.  "What are the implications of this revelation? What historical or other context do I have to apply to this? Are there any biblical stories that seem to speak to this? From what I know of the experiences of women and people of color, would their relationship to this kernel be different from my own?"  If the kernel is important, I should try to understand it.  Some of the waiting is not thinking.  I'm not very good at not-thinking, but I try.  I let my thoughts drift, let myself slip away from that kernel, or just wait and see what else bumps up against it.  Usually a few different things do bump together.  Sometimes I'll do a little reading, particularly if the ministry is spread out over weeks - if there's a biblical or other story that seems to have resonance, I might re-read that.

Generally when I'm in Meeting, as I've been thinking and listening around this kernel, I'll start to feel some tension in my body.  A few phrases and ideas will start to stick around.  Often I'll start to rehearse how this ministry might be expressed.  I'm conscious of something I read a while back that distinguished vocal ministry from worship sharing by saying that "worship sharing begins with I".  Even if the kernel that leads to the ministry starts with "I heard a story about X" or "I was thinking about Y", what's another way to begin the ministry that gets closer to the heart of things? 

So there I am, sitting in Meeting, feeling tense, holding the kernel within me, holding a possible train of three or four related ideas that seem together to pull this ministry together, and usually with at least a couple of stories or phrases that seem to crystallize the ministry.  And then I wait for a while.  Has someone else spoken? I have no experience with feeling led to give ministry related to what another Friend said in Meeting (though I have experienced other Friends giving messages related to things that I had felt might be a kernel that could become ministry).  Does this really feel necessary? Does it feel like it's meant for this Meeting for Worship? Is it self-aggrandizing.  I am good with words. I could probably stand up and say clever things at least every other week if I wanted to.  Have I been given ministry recently? It's usually felt a bit odd to even consider giving a message if I gave one within the last few weeks. 

And then I get up and talk.  Actually I get up, walk and take the microphone, walk back to stand by my seat, take a few deep breaths, and then talk.  And usually some of what I'd been stringing together comes out, but usually not all of it, and not all in the way I'd expected, and usually the conclusion comes on the fly (and sometimes I've been a bit surprised by the way I summed up what it all meant).  And then I put the microphone down, sit, and work on getting calm, because I'm usually still at least a bit tense.  Most of the time, though, I can center pretty quickly.  It feels like there's a bit of a weight gone, and I can just let my thoughts drift.  Once, I stayed pretty tense.  I'm not sure if I should have given that ministry in that form.

There have been a couple of times that someone else has given a message afterwards that was in some way building on what I said.  As I mentioned above, I have no experience giving ministry inspired or connected to what someone else says earlier in Meeting for Worship.  Similarly, I have not felt as though there was a larger connected Message in the people speaking about the words or topic I spoke to.  But maybe that means I need to be a better listener.

I'm certainly aware that if I had more stories and memorized passages to draw on, I could "up my game" as it were.  If a part of my vocal ministry is letting the stories and words roll around together, having more in my head to roll around would lead (I think) to better messages.  Maybe? That sounds as if it's giving me the conduit more influence than is strictly necessary.  I'm aware that some people talk/write about vocal ministry as a spontaneous thing, not something that should be rehearsed.  I definitely don't rise to give a memorized speech, but I can't imagine being led without some signposts along the way, partly to test whether the message should be given (I've had a couple of times where I got to the "sitting really tense in Meeting, with the kernel and also a beginning and some stories and words" phase, and never rose to give a message), and partly to make sure I'm expressing what's actually important.  Again, I don't know if this shows my inexperience with vocal ministry, different ways of talking about ministry, or different ways of experiencing it.

I do know that I've never asked anyone else what it's like to give vocal ministry.  That seems scary.  I've also never said any of this to anyone else.  I've read online comments from other people about how coffee time can include reviewing the quality of ministry that week, but I don't think our Meeting really talks about ministry after it's given, at least not in the groups I gather with.

An Illustrative Experience?

It’s a strange thing to hear words and know them to be Truth. To hear them echoing in your mind and heart at odd times for weeks and months after, and to feel yourself, your actions and emotions being molded around those words. It’s an equally strange blessing to realize, even later, that you are not so much being molded as discovering in those words, and the patterns of thought they are guiding, an expression of truths you’ve always known, polished and made clear.

It’s wonderful (literally) to hear a voice in Meeting speaking the message you were fumbling around. It is also, as one traveling Friend has reminded us, miraculous. Uncomfortable as I still am with that idea.

It is a delight to sing together. To hear another member of the community requesting and sharing their own love of a beloved song, and to feel that shared expression of faith, and Love. (Is there a difference?)

It is a delight to rejoice together at a shared joy, or to feel a shared Concern expressed.

It is a revelation to witness us building community together. To see us worship, care for grounds, and go through the messy and tedious process of Meeting for Business. To see Friends hurt others, or those who are hurt, and to hear them express, or acknowledge that, and to see the Community around them. In Meeting for Worship with Attention to Business (and other contexts), I have seen tension, and seen listening that can only be accomplished because of the tension. I have seen us outrun our guide, and be restrained. I have witnessed a community gathered together in what I can only describe as a shared faith, or love, because what else but the sense that we are gathered in the presence of something greater than all of us would keep us returning? I have, to put it more simply, witnessed our community living into a Beloved Community.

It is strange to describe these moments of individual and corporate miracles. I am still not comfortable with miracles. They are flashy and dramatic. Immediately recognizable. I have not experienced a dramatic miracle that I can point to with certainty to say “Yes, God is real and this Quaker faith is correct because of a single experience which, if you shared it, you too could not deny.” And yet I have experienced the presence of God amidst the community of Friends, and what else could I call that if not miraculous? I have experienced miracles that settle deeper into me the more I reflect on them, or live into them. I have learned spiritual truths about myself, about how that of God in each of us can be made manifest, or hidden, and about how to live in a holy community with others. Knowing what has already been revealed to me, and the time it took between hearing Truth for the first time and seeing it manifest, I eagerly await more opportunities for divine revelation, knowing that I will not recognize them all (and that some will not be Messages for me), but hoping that I can become more practiced in noticing the manifestation of God.

Posted without explanation or context, though of course there's a reason, which I might dive into more later. For now, I'll let this stand as it is, with just a quick link to this Message on another basically-defunct blog.

45's 9th Circuit Reversal - taking stock.

A preface that I am dumb. I have no special wisdom, no legislative experience, am a privileged white guy learning from Twitter, and so my opinion isn't worth much.  But a few thoughts on the evening the Ninth Circuit ruled against Trump's travel ban.

First, by all reports, this EO was rushed out, poorly written, poorly implemented, met by massive public outcry, the resignation of one AG who found it indefensible, called a "ban" by the president & a Muslim ban by his surrogate Rudy Guilliani, and apparently the government court argument boiled down to "we can do whatever we want re: immigration, plus TERRORISM", so it was poorly argued in court.  I'm pleased, but not surprised that the 9th Circuit was unanimous. (I've seen some accounts that actual legal watchers may have expected a 2-1 split, so conventional experts are meeting their normal standards with this administration).  I'm actually a little curious what an 8-justice SCOTUS would rule on this - my personal feeling is that both Kennedy & Roberts are likely to care too much about the status of the court to want to side with 45, especially if they can't actually overrule the decision. And it'd be interesting to see what happens, but probably not all that relevant. I have to imagine that a competent attempt to screw over refugees and other (brown) visitors to the US is not beyond Jeff Sessions & other in the executive branch, would withstand legal scrutiny, and wouldn't be challenged by congress.  A defeat in court really only matters inasmuch as it clarifies whether Trump would go full "the Chief Justice has made his decisions now let him enforce it" a la Jackson, or may provide an indication of what Kennedy & Roberts will do when faced with blatantly terrible executive actions.

But let's go back to that "let him enforce it".  Reports are that in VA & Los Angeles, Department of Homeland Security folks on the ground didn't follow court orders. In LA, Marshals (the enforcement arm of the courts) didn't act to serve required  papers.  Multiple reports have come in of brown and visibly Muslim entrants to the country of many different legal statuses being harassed by DHS agents & receiving questions & demands that are illegal.  Among many other things, the president, and the American people have confirmation that when he oversteps, there are plenty of guys with guns on the ground who will take that as license to harass people they don't like without any repercussions.  And bringing those repercussions via individual lawsuits seems like it'll be really hard.

The legislative branch remains basically dysfunctional, with republicans supporting 45's Cabinet while realizing that there may actually be enough support for the ACA that they can't get rid of it (so they have no idea what to do, since that basically was/is their agenda).

Immigration policy is going to get bad, and lots of families are going to be ripped apart, and lots of places are going to try to be sanctuaries, and there will be legal battles, and direct actions by crowds, and probably brutal beatings and killings by ICE agents empowered to act & unafraid of consequences (see above).

"The Left" has shown that for all our vaunted interest in "facts" and "reasoned opinions", we'll basically swarm on anything that looks funny (and many moves by incoherent webmasters, or typical procedural legislative cases look pretty damn funny).  True story - I went to an organizing meeting and got a sincere and impassioned pitch for tax resistance as a totally not-bonkers idea for how we're going to topple Citizens United and/or reshape government policy.

Predicting the future is a pretty terrible idea in general, but I see a few general trends, sometimes compatible & sometimes at cross-purposes which are probably going to matter in the next while (months? years? I can't imagine this state of affairs holding until 2018).  They're listed below.  Take with big grains of salt.  What I'm *actually* trying to remind myself often is that I don't know what the future holds, and the future is full of change, even if my worst fears about a possible coup or other direct assault on our representative democracy do materialize.

1 - Bannon wants a White Supremacist police state.  Sessions almost certainly does as well, and in general there's probably consensus in the administration for businesses doing whatever they want, white men in charge, and cops maintaining that order.  This particular EO overreached, but as ducks fall in a row, they'll probably keep pushing that way.  The United States is already pretty far along this path, gutting the VRA definitely moved it further that way, and the biggest check against that development has been the Department of Justice and other aggressive federal agencies.  Those ... aren't going to be a check anymore.  Apparently Bannon thinks he has a narrow window to implement this (and he's probably thought about his agenda more than I have), but I'd bet on the country continuing to move in that direction unless something steps in.  Who knows.

2 - Dysfunctional legislature.  A huge reason we have such an imperial presidency now is that the legislature basically doesn't *do* anything.  Theoretically, between the power of the purse, and oversight roles (eventually reaching the possibility of impeachment), an active legislative branch could be an effective check on the presidency.  For the past many years, districts have been gerrymandered enough, and the GOP has had Barack Obama to demonize, so that it was in their interests to just yell and not do anything, either oversight or moving forward an actual agenda for the country, instead letting it slowly crumble (as our roads and bridges have been, visibly).  But now the GOP is in charge.  So far, they've been able to make noises about the ACA while confirming cabinet members, but eventually Ryan's going to want to advance his tax agenda and gut the social safety net.  At which point, at least a few other legislators will have to think about whether they can get re-elected on that agenda.  Meanwhile, the 2020 census looms (and with it, the redrawing of district boundaries), and court cases against gerrymandering are meandering their way up.  Plus there's this energized left trying to follow the Tea Party playbook, except there are clearly more of us, at least right now.  That's almost certainly a recipe for a legislature that's less dysfunctional than it has been (we can't keep holding Benghazi hearings, right?), but I'm not holding out how that the legislature will act in a bipartisan manner either on setting actual policy agendas or doing oversight.  (For the record, I'd be all for dems working with GOP legislators on any bipartisan agenda, if that opportunity presented itself.  I think 45 should be resisted at all costs, but that a functioning legislature that can compromise would be a very good thing).  Given that even the supposedly principled republicans like McCain who occasionally speak against 45 won't actually vote against him, I don't expect a functional legislature anytime soon, though.  (A House doing oversight would almost have to impeach, right? Reason to hope, and also not to expect much).  I dunno.  The state of the national legislature seems like it can't continue forever, but it probably can continue for long enough that Trump can dismantle the government, which is all Bannon needs.

3 - The People.  "La Puebla, Unida, Jamas Sera Vencido".  There have been a bunch of protests.  A bunch of phone calls.  Mass outcries that apparently got temporary gag orders against agencies like the EPA lifted.  The travel ban became a flash point specifically because a bunch of organizers have been doing a lot of work for a while, and channeled a bunch of energy into specific demands and actions.  These are both good public displays that clearly have done *something*, and also actions that have delayed but not yet stopped anything. Also, turning crowds into actionable demands is hard (waves at Occupy Wall Street), keeping people motivated is hard (waves at me, feeling shell shocked & writing this in part to try to stay motivated), and a bunch of states are clearly working on legislation to allow police to use violence to disperse crowds (points back at part 1 about Bannon wanting a police state), which means that *this form* of political protest may not be viable in many parts of the country soon. 

There are clearly obstacles here - actionable demands are hard. Staying interested is hard.  Crowds are probably best directed at local politicians and agenda, but mobilization on national points is in many ways much easier (everyone can pay attention to Indivisible, harder to find that trusted voice in each city or state, and sometimes the people who want to stop global warming and agree that if you were so racist you couldn't get confirmed as a judge you shouldn't be AG aren't really willing to ask for local police accountability, and then you get into "identity politics oh noes!").  But public mobilization is good, keeps people energized, and has been demonstrably effective in many places & times in history.  Also organizers much smarter than me are doing it.  I'm going to listen and participate.

4 - Time.  We're two weeks in.  No legislative agenda has tried to advance yet.  No one has any idea how long these calls can keep coming in, or what SCOTUS will actually do.  There are a lot of decisions that haven't had to be made yet.  As time goes on, some questions (re: executive ethics violations, future of the ACA, SCOTUS rulings, and plenty of others I can't think of), won't be able to be held in abeyance, and their resolution will trigger other things.  This situation is obviously both rapidly changing and unstable.  That can't last forever. 

There's clearly a lot else at play.  We live in a world with other governments.  China & Russia, at least, have the ability to push at our unstable situation.  Clearly a terror attack would move things as well.  Maybe the press is right to flatter itself that "holding the administration accountable" will matter. I think talking about 45's mental health does more to stigmatize mental illness than anything else, but he's unstable/unpredictable and in over his head.  The vaunted "deep state" of intelligence agencies may have cards to play.  I dunno, there's a lot that *could* happen.

What I'd *like* to happen includes -

A legislative branch figuring out how to act in a bipartisan way, and checking imperial overreach. (See bills to stop unilaterally dropping Russian sanctions, maybe even cutting off the authorization to use military force and restrictions on domestic surveillance)

An actual progressive agenda that recognizes the diverse backgrounds of any successful liberal coalition.  I'm of the opinion that this needs to speak to workers, jettison banks and neoliberalism, attack the prison-industrial complex (indeed, attack the ways that the public and private sectors are so easily intertwined that an X-industrial complex can be easily developed), but I'm dumb.  I hope smart people figure something out. I think if we build that, and there are anything like representative elections, the US can be given the chance to become what I was told it was in school.

45 getting impeached, of course, mostly because he's enabling too much awfulness around him.

I'd like people who are learning how to move the levers of national government to stay empowered and keep talking to their representatives.

I'd also like for all of us to figure out a bit more about how to keep track of & move the levers of state government.

Oh, and White Supremacists and neo-Nazis no longer willing to show their faces in public.

And something about letting the EPA, Justice Department, Department of Labor, etc. publish actual facts ,and then people use those actual facts.

Personally, I'm going to try following the federal register, and showing up for some local school board & town council meetings.  Also, I will look back at this in 6 years and laugh, in 6 months and be surprised about the 4 obvious things I never saw coming, in 6 weeks and cry about how only my fears are being born out, and in 6 days mystified that something which seems important here no longer does, and how something that I disregarded ss an apparently huge mover of reality.

Pictures

I'm visiting my parents, and they have pictures up, so here are some pictures of pictures of me & my brother growing up (he is the handsome one)

Goodbye Twitter

I'll be pulling the plug on Twitter in 2017.  I'm probably going to leave the @kingcabbagecast account up so that I can post new episodes, but if it becomes a time sink, it's going down too.  I mentioned this a bit on Twitter (yes, I know), but want to expand & react to a few things people asked.

First, I should say that I've been an evangelist for Twitter for a while.  I'm on Facebook strictly to see pictures of my kids at school, but I really love Twitter.  There's a non-reciprocity to it that means I get to follow brilliant people like @eveewing and @tressiemcphd , I've formed genuine friendships with people who I've later met in real life (or not yet met), I'm a more critical consumer of news and fiction because of Twitter, and it's been a community for me while I was a stay-at-home-dad.  There's a lot I love about Twitter.

But ...

*I* don't have a particularly healthy relationship with Twitter.  (I'm sure I'm not the only one, but I also want to talk about my experience specifically).  It's on my phone, and I check it A LOT throughout the day.  In fact, I can check my main account, switch over to the secondary account, switch to my email, then back to the main account which'll probably have one or two new Tweets, and keep that up for a while.  Not healthy.  To be avoided.

I've been pretty vocally supporting sci-fi/fantasy books/authors/discussions/etc, and trying to boost and make space for historically marginalized/historically oppressed voices, and the books and stories they're telling.  I think this is an entirely good thing, I have learned a lot, I am reading better books and expecting more of what I read because of all of this.  Twitter encouraged me to do this, and gave me a space to do my own boosting, and that's wonderful.  I *also* think that I've used this as an excuse in my head to not practice other forms of activism in the real-world, and (for me), it's important to get offline.

My concentration isn't what it was.  I have a hard time reading a book for as long as I used to without pulling out the phone & getting distracted for a while.

There's an art to the 140-character discussion, or put down, or share-a-link-with-comment.  And it's a really useful skill to learn, and I've hardly mastered it.  *But* I've forgotten how to write my own ideas at a sustained length.  I'd like to do that.

I've noticed that my mood is far more dependent on twitter than I'd like, which these days means I'm anxious and angry a lot, and I don't parent as well because of it.  In fact, I get anxious and slip into habits like "just checking Twitter" and then boom.

I'm still not entirely sure what I think about filter bubbles and the dangers of groupthink & being able to sit in your own community vs being able to find people with common interests and also gain the confidence and support to stand strong in your own truth.  But I know that I've had some interactions online & offline where it's clear I'm assuming the discourse of folks I follow so much that I'm having trouble talking and respecting other people who's ideas are worth respecting & talking about.  Again, this is a *me* thing, not a *twitter* thing.

At least one person suggesting paring back and filtering, and I'll say two things about that.  One - I'm bad at it.  I've deleted Twitter from my phone only to find within a couple days that I was regularly logging in via the web app.  Twitter makes engagement easy, and I've made it an easy habit.  Second, I do pare back a lot.  I unfollow many people (hi, hope I haven't offended you!), I mute people, terms, etc.  I *could* do more, but I already put a fair amount of overthinking into overthinking who I'm listening to & why.  For *me*, that road doesn't lead to more control.

We're moving to a new state in 2017.  I'm going to go from stay-at-home-dad to looking for a job.  One thing Twitter has provided is a sense of community, which I think I'm going to try to get in-person.  (I *like* being with people in the real world, but also it is a skill I have to practice because I'm pretty shy).  And I'm going to be leaving Twitter, like deleting the jsuttonmorse account leaving.  There are a lot of you I'd like to keep in touch with.  I'm going to practice email correspondence, and probably even snail mail.  What else do the kids these days use? Should I be on Slack (I think I am, but should I be in a group?)  If you'd like to keep in touch, I'm off Twitter & FB, but otherwise would love to be in touch.  Let me know your preferred method.  I'll still be publishing Cabbages & Kings.

I do have a few things I'm going to need help with.  If you've got suggestions for these, let me know
1 - I get most of my news from Twitter.  I used to listen to NPR, I still listen to many podcasts & NPR a bit.  I don't spend much time on actual computers, though that may change.  Blogs you'd recommend? Other ways you get news? People or institutions you like?

2 - I keep track of my reading here.  I don't like Goodreads' mobile experience.  Anything else I should log reactions and images of paragraphs & things on? I like that Twitter can be archived in stuff like Storify, and that it has threading.  What do you use?

3 - Again, I'd love to keep in touch with you.  If you'd like that, let me know what you'd prefer & I'll work to make it happen.

Feel free to chat in the comments, or on Twitter in the next couple weeks, or send me an email - jsuttonmorse at gmail, or whatever other way is best.

A few notes

This is mostly a story about a parenting moment, but first a few links.

I was on Marketplace's morning report being the voice of a trend (Stay at Home Dad's not in the workforce) on Monday.  If you want to hear my kids being cute, the story is here.

Speaking of Links, I put together a bunch of SFF links recently.

I also tweeted some thoughts about how my reaction to reading women in fiction has changed.  Embedded after the dad story.

So, this morning I took Tadpole & Sprout (5&2) to the grocery store, and for the first time in a while they didn't want to ride in the shopping cart but instead wanted to push kid carts ... the parents among you are cringing already.

Fortunately the store wasn't very crowded on a Friday morning, so I OKed, and we went through three basic phases that had as much to do with me as them.  First, they wandered after me, enjoying the carts, occasionally bumping things or people and behaving exactly as you'd expect while I got increasingly frustrated that they weren't following directions.

Let's just unpack this for a moment: by not bringing my own cart, I didn't really leave myself much out.  I could (and eventually did) pick up Sprout & drag her cart along, but there wasn't a way to corral the girls.  The thing to do here is to engage with them, give them tasks, and focus on making them want to go where I want them to.  Praise the marching and pushing of carts, let Tadpole lead us on a circuitous route, have Sprout practice marching.  Accept that we're going slowly.

But I don't like grocery shopping.  I actively dislike it, always worried that there's going to be difficulty finding an unfamiliar ingredient, and so I tried instead to insist on obedience.  Follow me or else.

This brings us to stage 2.  I realized, later than I should have, that I was losing my temper in particular with Sprout, so I bent down, gave her a hug, had Tadpole join in, then picked Sprout up & carried her.  She didn't really like it, but I can manage a squirming 2-year-old one-handed.  Tadpole managed well enough.

So, now we're on Stage 2, the "let's get out of here as quickly as possible without more damage" phase that many parents will recognize.  The one piece of this that was absolutely good was that I've trained myself when tempted to yell to just kneel down, hug the girls, and absolutely put a stop to the thing within my control that is the most stressful.  I wish I'd done it sooner, but we all got a hug and Sprout stopped being silly with her cart.

Then a miracle occurred: walking down an aisle looking for something I wasn't quite sure was there, a dad in front of us knocked his shopping cart into a stack of soup cans knocking 10-12 over.  This was wonderful.  We stopped & I immediately sent Tadpole to help pick them up.  She's great at helping put stuff away.  (Thanks R for training her at home & her Montessori school!).  So she got to help.  I got to stop worrying about stupid groceries and instead be proud of myself for helping a stranger in need.  Sprout got to wave at the kid in the shopping cart.  Another family was walking by and praised our good deed, so two different people expressing gratitude!  More importantly, all of us got out of the semi-frustrated headspace we were in.  After that moment, Tadpole went from managing to keep up with me to actively being helpful.  The end of our shopping trip was genuinely fun for all of us.

So anyway, that's my story about frustrating shopping expeditions and the kind stranger who knocked over some soup cans and made my grocery run this morning much better.

And now on an entirely different note and prompted by reading a story where "living it up" meant two different women finding sex and a first chapter where a woman's friend was a young thing in a slinky dress is a Storify of a few tweets from this morning on casually objectifying women in fiction.